Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
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