Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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