Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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