last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
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the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
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HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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