Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
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He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
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they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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