I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
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Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
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Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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