I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
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oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
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I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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