no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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