Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
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His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
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Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
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