My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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