My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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