I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
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I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
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I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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