You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
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I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
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On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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