If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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