Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize