I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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