Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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