I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
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All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize