a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
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