Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
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Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
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Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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