I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize