I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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