you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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