woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
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He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
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When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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