that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
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right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
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she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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