in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
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Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
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The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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