You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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