Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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