So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
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Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
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You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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