last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize