after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize