Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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