i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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