i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
We named our party play list daddy issues
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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