Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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