Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
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i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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