he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
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I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
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I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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