I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
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OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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