Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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