Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize