Redeem this text for a blowjob
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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