did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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