Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize