I wish I could teleport
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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