just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize