I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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