i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize