how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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