watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize