I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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